The 20lb 92 brightness sheet of disappointment

So the truth is I opened the letter and cryed my eyes out. A year of preparation destroyed on one single piece of 20lb 92 brightness piece of cheap paper with a fancy letterhead. I would use the word frustrated to describe how I felt at that moment but the truth is I felt defeated and destroyed inside and my heart sank in slow motion. All that effort, all the waiting only to have someone basically say that it just can't happen yet, well if not now, then when I ask? How much longer doI wait to start my life? When will you give me the go ahead? That was my initial reaction but now I am numbed at the thought and have decided to proceed as planned and take the heat later but let me assure you that I can also produce some fire and indeed I will. The truth is that I couldn't think about it for days because it brought tears to my eyes and it upset me too much but not now. Now, I have accepted it and will move on as I intended to do all along without your support but with full intent of acclaiming your criticizm for doing so. That's ok I will persevere and that I will proudly print off on a single white sheet of 20lb 92 brightness of paper and happily sign my name to.

Friends....far and near

As I get older, yes that's right I admited I am getting old, I am starting to see who my friends really are. I've never been the one to be open with many people, actually very few people and that's stretching it, and that leaves me with few people that I would call close friends. In admiting that, this is a choice that I have made for myself over a lifetime, a conscious decision on my part perhaps due to fear of being ridiculed for who I am or because I prefer to keep my business "my business" either way it has worked out and I have no regrets. The friends I keep are supportive of who I am now, what I have accomplished, what I have, and what I have to offer and that's important to me. The important thing to me is that they are there when I need them and vice versa. They are the type of people that I may not talk to for months but at the same time I can pick up the phone and it's like we haven't missed a beat. I am not a "mushy" person but I hope you know I am talking about you, my friend, and that I appreciate you for you.