Now that I'm edgamacated!

Well, after a long 12 hour night shift it's time to reflect...blah...reflect. It was a LOOOONNG but yet short two years. Two years ago I got the news that I was accepted into the BN program. Now, I applied and kind of forget about it after that not thinking that I would get in and not really sure if I wanted to even go. I figured I'd apply and make up my mind later. Well, here I am all edgamacated so you know what happened later. Two years ago I felt like I was giving up my life as I knew it, leaving my husband in Marystown, my doggie MacGuiver, and giving up my freedom as I moved in with my in-laws and back to being a poor student, a concept I thought I left behind 5 years ago. Yet here I was buying pens and looseleafs again. I remember teh first day of school feeling that impending feeling of vomit in the back of my throat as I drove closer to MUN then feeling physically sick as I actually walked through the doors. I remember a place that was once so familiar to me now feeling unknown. So many changes had taken place since I had last been there..new tunnels, new MUN ID's (and I really didn't like to give up my old one), new search engines for journals (yippee) and of course me, the "old student." I remember seeing the sign for fast track orientation and feeling kinda nervous about what was going to happen. I sat in a room that day with a room full of strangers and one old friend that I had lost touch with and wondered if I had made the right decision by coming back. I sit and reflect now and realize that I've made some good friends in nursing and rekindled old friendships that my life would have been missing out on if I hadn't gone back. At the same time Glenn and I spent almost 2 years living apart, in different provinces, and it has made me really appreciate what we have. Without the support of my friends and husband I would have not made it through the last two years. How could I ever regret that? It's funny because the same feeling of nervousness that was in the pit of my stomach when I started was the feeling that was there when I left in April. School had become my new home, sad to say, but true. The people in my class had kind of become like family and you get used to the routine that has become your life. So when I say it was a long two years, it was. It was probably the most challenging thing that has come into my life in a while in many ways and I desperately wished each day away so I could regain my life back. At the same time I can't believe that it's over when it feels like I just got my acceptance letter and facebook has now become the main vehicle of communciation with people I got to laugh with everyday. I am really in disbelief some days and it still shocks me to hear a patient call out to me as "nurse. "I keep wanting to turn around and say "just a minute, I'll go get your nurse" then it hits me, oh that would be me. It's just hard to conceptulize the fact that I'm finished but I am. You know someone asked me the other day if I was now finished with school and you know what, I hope that I'm not. I don't think I'll ever be finished with school as I think life involves lifelong learning and I need that constant stimulation and challenge so that I may overcome what I thought was impossible. The day that I am finished with school will be the day that I feel I have nothing else to learn and day will never come. I'm edgamacated for now we'll see about later.

The Big 3-OH MF!

Well, one week ago tomorrow I turned the big and whopping 3-OH. I have now entered into the next decade of life as we know it but hey, who's counting? I never really thought about the whole age thing at all but on my big day I was filling out an application for the gym and there it was in big letters.....AGE:_______. I took the pen and that's when it hit me, holy shit I'm 30! Does that mean I have to actually grow up now?? Nah...that's just silly. A million and one things were running through my mind about growing old. First, it appears to me now just a week after turning 30 that I am getting wrinkles. Ironically, I never really noticed them before. Did you know that in those silly beauty magazines they have us women separated out into ages...i.e. beautiful in your 20's, 30's etc...ugh! Now I have to buy that good face cream to fight the drooping and wrinkles that come with age. Look out pocket book. Second, my biological clock is ticking at an accelerated pace now. Did you know that your fertility rate starts to decline after age 27? Well, I do..I have got a lot of work to do now. Third, my hair now starts thinning (like I need that) and the rate of growth starts slowing down. I also have a decreased metabolism to look forward to so I now not only do I need to join a gym but I have to work harder at it. Great! Turning 30, however, does not have to be a death sentence. NO, I don't have a mortgage yet but I've gotten to travel and live in different parts of Canada and create great friendships and amazing memories. NO, I don't have any children yet, yet is the key word but I got to marry the man I love and guess what, he loves me too...how great is that! We even have a wonderful doggie. My body is still looking okay (need to work on that a bit-lol) and is still functioning smoothly at the moment. NO, I am not 20-something but I am also not in those teeny or 20-something years where everything is so dramatical and friends are sometimes hard to pick from the foes. The friends that I have are real, honest, and there for you, as I would be for them. In only ten more years I will be 40 and look back on 30 and think I was a young chick. Most importantly, I got ID'd last night for buying a lottery ticket...YES ME. It felt great actually, and when he thanked me (a young guy too) for showing him my ID I appropriately thanked him back, after all I am 11 years over the limit!!!

I had a brief moment of foolish thinking then I thought about it and there's a lot of good things about being 30, yes I said good things...I don't mind turning 30 and at this age I almost know what I want out of life and that's pretty good in my books.

Mrs. Haim

Well last night I watched "The Two Corey's" for the first time. For those youngin's out there the two Corey's are Corey Feldman and my childhood love Corey Haim. I used to love Corey Haim growing up especially after I saw the movie Licence to drive. The way that the end of his lip curls up...ugh used to drive me nuts. I used to have a poster on my wall of him back then from one of those teeny bopper magazines that I used to read and I had to take it down cause it was just too much. On the show last night apparently he is looking for Mrs. Haim in his life. I have to declare now that if I wasn't a Mrs. Fagan the next best would be Mrs. Haim, Mrs. Corey Haim and he would have the licence to drive me anytime. After all this time I only find out now that he was from Toronto. If I would have known that he was that close well I would have went there years ago!! Now at almost 30 years old I feel like that 12 year old girl everytime I watch Corey Haim on TV and I am in just total awww...it's pathetic I know but c'mon people it's Corey Haim for crying out loud.

Words of Wisdom

"If you never have any bad days how will you know when you have a good one?" This was said to me by a palliative patient and it makes perfect sense. We often complain, me definitely included, about stuff but we sometimes forget it's just stuff! Who cares that it's raining or if it's a little hot or that it's snowing, however I do love the snow. We are so lucky and fortunate sometimes that we take things for granted. I see this patient and amongst all of what's going on in his life he still see's the positive and that's amazing. I have to admit that sometimes I get carried away with what's going to happen tomorrow or next week or next year that I forget that it's today. We have to enjoy life a little more than we do cause isn't that what's it's all about?? In the end I never want to say " I wish I would have done that." It's amazing what you can learn when you want to.

I've Sucked You Dry..See-ya Later

It is very irritating to have the feeling that you have been used by someone. Now I do not consider myself to be naive or gullable by no means but I do give people the benefit of the doubt. I tend to believe in the good of people first and not jump to conclusions or judgements. I don't think this is a bad characteristic or one that I will rid myself of...EVER! However, it really irritates me to think that my kindness has been used and abused and I've been thrown away like an ole rag...arggg! How can these people live with themselves? I mean they must know what they've done or have they convinced themselves otherwise so that they can look at themselves in the mirror. It is quite disguisting and down right low. Not to quote a JT (that's Justin Timberlake for those out there who are under a rock) but "what goes around, comes around." I don't let stuff like this bother me cause these people get what's coming to them. It may be tomorrow, next week, or 10 years from now but it will come. Life has a funny way of working things out like this. I, however, will not let these incidents interfere with how I view other people and how I treat them. This would mean these "people" would have succeeded and I won't let that happen!! To those people, Shame on you for being the low down dirty dogs that you are.

I Hate Early Mornings!

I am writing this on behalf of all the nightowls out there in defense of their sleeping methods. What kind of sick individual would be the one to say "hey, won't don't we start working at 7am?" With a 25 minute drive, that means you have to get up at 530 am and that's just not right. Really that's still the middle of the night and my REM sleep is being disrupted + tired me = cranky me. It is safe to say that I am definitely not a morning person and never will be. I have no inclination to get up that early. People often give me great advice like going to bed early, as in 9-10pm. I have never went to bed that early in my life...at that hour I am wired. Those who know me may believe it's all the diet pepsi I drink and that I'm probably high on caffeine. Well, I have since switched to caffeine-free pepsi people and guess what it makes no difference.

What about all the great tv shows you're missing...I mean what kind of person would you be if you never watched SNL or Late night with David Letterman or Late Show with Jay Leno. You would have missed one of the greatest parodies of all time...."Dick in a box." Oh, the losses are endless!

I get annoyed at people trying to change me and the way I sleep. Why would I change? Do you want to change your sleeping patterns? I have adapted quite well to my way of life by preparing the night before so that I can sleep in a little longer in the mornings.

Well, it seems that a scientific study has confirmed the presence of an "after hours gene" in people who stay up late. It seems that the afh gene is a variant of a gene called Fbxl. The fbxl gene had not been linked to the body clock that keeps our metabolism, digestion and sleep patterns in tune with the rising and setting of the sun. Check it out:

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/main.jhtml?xml=/news/2007/04/27/nclock27.xml

So for those of you trying to change me, stop trying. Biologically I'm programmed to act this way and maybe it's you who should try and stay up a late night or two and experience my world. One things for sure...if am I watching the sun rise I won't be setting my alarm clock to do it that's for sure.

Till next time.

The Best $25 I Ever Spent

Some would say a waste but I say it was the best $25 I ever spent by getting my cards read. It's one of those things that you never really believe what they tell you unless of course it's really good then you're happy and excited or really bad then you're sad. But really, the person that knows everything about your life including how long you're going to live only costs 25 bucks with a waitlist of 3 days?? Now that sounds too good to be true. No really. Not that I don't believe in psychic ability because I do believe there are persons who can do that stuff, Is it a man in his 40's, who smokes like a tilt, able to project his voice like Robin Leach one minute then to a 16yr old girl high pitched best "you go girl" impression with Madonna's set of teeth? Probably not. Will the things he says come true or is it your heightened sense that will make them come true or your sense of hopelessness that will reinforce the negative? Maybe these things would have never happened if YOU didn't let them or make them happen. I sit ere and I think about my life and I have a great life. I would not change a thing. No, my cognitive redefinition allows me to see the silver lining and that's okay. Here I am, I have my health, Ihave my wits, an education, a great husband, a great family, friends I can call and cry for no reason plus an adorable dog that makes it all complete and I sit there waiting for a guy with a better car than mine, which I'm making part of the payment on, to tell me if I'm going to live a long happy life. Who really knows? except myself of course. I'm the only person who can make that decision and it is my decision whether or not I enjoy what I have and I do. I have a lot to smile about. So that's what I'm going to do. So did I really waste 25 bucks? I say no. It was best waste of money that I ever spent because it made me really appreciate what I do have in my life.

"Enjoy the little things for one day you might look back and realize they were the BIG things" - Robert Brault

Until next time.

I am so Pumped

Well, it has been one month today since I started my insulin pump or what I call "my little external organ." This is actually the one I have in the pic, the 715 model. So far it has been one of the best decisions that I've made for my health. It is superior to injections in so many ways just in the nature of how it works, not necessarily just how good you're looking after yourself. Of course I have to give a bit of background info on it...well, first of all you take at least 25% less insulin with the pump because insulin is absorbed better. With a needle anywhere from 30-70% of insulin is absorbed per day so what that means is, even if you have two days completely alike, i.e. food, exercise etc. that your blood glucose levels can still be all over the place because you don't know exactly how much your body is absorbing. So on the pump this issue is not an issue. On the pump the big thing is carbohydrate counting, ahh the thing that I dreaded. I thought it would be so difficult and annoying and time consuming but in actual fact it is not. Why? Well, as of 2005 all food manufactures were required by labelling laws to have a nutrition panel on their food so this makes things soooo much easier for counting. Actually, by counting my carbs, I feel less stress worrying about if my blood glucose levels will be through the roof because I know I have taken enough insulin to cover off what I ate...and so far it's been working well. My sugars have been the best they have been, probably since I've had diabetes and I doing what was considered "good" before so that says a lot. It took a while to adjust to having this "thing" on my body first mainly because I was not used to having it there but that's just short term adjustment.

Most importantly, Glenn is gone googoo over it and this makes a world of difference. I have never had someone so interested in me taking care of myself and interested in learning more about how I can do this. I was a little concerned first about wearing this to bed, because it never comes off (well for some things it can-hehe) but he was so supportive and he didn't mind it at all. He inspires me to want to do better for him and myself and I think that makes all the difference in the world.

They say that it takes a good 6 months to get the pump individualized to your routine so I have month #1 punched. I had my HbA1C taken last week so we'll see what that says, although I'm not expecting much change this early in the game but you never know. With the new recommendations out for this to be under 6 it will definitely be challenging but I'm difficult and determined and defintely up for the challenge.

The most annoying thing about this is that everytime I say "I'm pumped" I have to do it in Arnold Swazzneggers voice...I know I know....

I'll let you know how it goes, until next time.

In the meantime here is the link for all the cool pouches that I get to carry this thing in. I saw the boob pouch there but I really don't want to make them any bigger and besides they might crush this thing - lol

http://www.minimed.ca/

Renee

I'm not fat I have lipohypertrophy

So it turns out I wass right I have lipohypertrophy in my stomach as shown in the above picture (that is not my stomach btw). What is this you may ask? Well here is the formal definition below:

"lipohypertrophy (LIP-oh-hy-PER-truh-fee):
buildup of fat below the surface of the skin, causing lumps. Lipohypertrophy may be caused by repeated injections of insulin in the same spot"

Basically, an area gets larger from the fat deposits and hard from repeatedly stabbing yourself with a needle day after day, or hour after hour in my case. This is not the first time I've had this. About 10 years ago I also developed this in my thighs and basically it got so hard that the needle would not even pierce through my skin. I was in the hospital at the time and volunteered to be the medical students dummy so they could feel both of my legs.

Well, the last couple of months I had noticed the same thing with my abdominal area and this is when I knew for sure it was lipohypertrophy and not just too much food. There are many rotations to give an injection you think so why would a person let this happen. Well, although to the well layed out diagram they show you in school your body may just look like a wonderful pin cushion with an array of possibilities you still run out of space even when you are rotating frequently and diligently. Think about it I am taking 5 needles a day x 7 days which equals 35 needles per week, that's approximately 1820 needles per year. Then you have to consider that it isn't always convenient to say pull down your pants in school so you can give an injection in your leg, well not for me anyways. So I give it in my stomach because it's quick, private, and most people don't even see me administer it. I could go to a washroom I guess but if you were a patient and I came to you as a nurse and said "ok, Mrs. Fagan let's go to the bathroom so I can give you your injection" what kind of look would you give me. I personally do not think that an area where urine and feces are located and microorganisms are at an all time high is the appropriate place to pierce your skin with a sharp object. In fact, I have to sit to administer the injection so where would I do this?? on the toilet?

The good news is that these fat desposits will go away if I give my stomach a little break. The bad news is that other injection sites now are getting over used. Anyways, this post is meant to be informative so that before you simply say to a patient or a friend why don't you just rotate that it is not always as easy as it sounds or maybe they are but the pin cushion is getting poked too many times.

From a person with Type I diabetes not a diabetic!

Let the Picture do the Talking

Well, I've had an epiphany so I thought I'd enlighten you on my recent revelations. I have reached a point that I thought was long past - the era of yet again more bullshit. Ironically, as we near the end of what has been a trying two years of biting my lip and swallowing hard I have to endure the most trying semester yet...the semester of detailed, gruelling, unorganized bullshit.

Where do these people receive there letters after their name. I have a high suspicion that the paper hanging on their wall looks a little like the one above. Apparently, attendance to this school is quite high. As a soon to be nurse I wish that this was curable and I could adminster medication or perhaps an enema would be more fitting. Unfortunately, it appears that symptoms of this condition only get worse with time and perception becomes blurred. In fact, most people don't even realize they have the condition which is quite sad.

I do hope that this condition is not contagious as it appears that it is rampant in such a small geographical area. How do they live with the smell?

Well, as I practice my coping skills you will probably notice me with my lips curled up inside my mouth as I desparately try to mute my vocal cords. An occasional eye rolling may be seen as well.

My adventure with the little people in the box

For the last three weeks I have been planted in front of the TV for prolonged periods of time. Sometimes I get dressed and sometimes I just stay in my pj's until Glenn gets home from work and questions my sanity. However, despite not having cable and occasionally green faces I have gotten myself on a daily schedule of watching the same ole shows day after day and I will miss them dearly after this weekend. Here's the list and PLEASE keep in mind that I DO NOT HAVE CABLE at this point so you gotta take what you can get.
1. Live with Regis and Kelly - I never really watched them before but they are pretty funny and work very well together and check out those guests - HOT
2. The View - I can now watch this that Star is gone and what's better than bitching yourself? well, watching other people bitch of course. This is not bad and the whole thing with Rosie and Donald is kind of amusing but getting desperate.
3. Degrassi High - best show ever. When did Joey Jeramiah grow up and where is that cool hat of his? Ahhh...I miss the good ole days and the band "The Zit Remedy" with Wheels and Snake..." Everybody needs something they'll never give up....everybody needs something they'll take ya money and never give up"

4. Sue Thomas F.B. Eye - I know, sounds pathetic but again not a bad show and MacGuiver gets a lot of amusement watching the dog so that works
5. House and Home - I watch this because I can't stand the soaps. Yes, I hate em because seems like the same ole, same ole. This is usually the time when I surf the web/ watch TV
6. Oprah - nuff said. She's the best. She taught me what size bra I needed at 29 years old...need I say more.
7. Dr. Phil - This man used to really get on me nerves but he has a point and usually I agree with him so yeah I'm kinda into him now.

That usually brings me up to 5pm then it's supper and more TV or whatever after that but everyday it's the samething and the scariest part is "I like it, I like it a lot" (Christmas, Lloyd (1994), Dumb and Dumber.) I will miss my gruelling daily routine after tomorrow as I hear distant voices in the background while my face is glued to the computer screen once again. I'm probably just pissing away time but still...goodbye my TV friends and I hope to see you in TV land very soon.

Miss you already,
Eener

Things to Ponder??

1. Where is the parachute? and why did they only bring it to gym class once a year? That thing was frigin fun.
2. When a tree falls in the woods does it really make a noise if no one is there??
3. Why do you loose your memory when you drink alcohol?
4. Why do actors playing doctor's and nurse's get paid more then the real deal?
5. Why do drug users get free needle exchange and diabetics have to pay for their needles?
6. Who's the idiot that confirms Murphy's Law?
7. Why is the "Greatest American Hero" forgotten so easily?
8. why are we not shown how to measure our own bra sizes earlier in life besides on Oprah?
9. Why wasn't Strawberry Shortcake 500lbs?
10. Why didn't She-ra and He-man hook up?

Just some things that I was thinking about tonight.....

Eener